Notstop Looking

Alive and Alone.


September 20, 2014 8:42 am September 19, 2014 12:18 pm

I’m so fucking sad & I want to die

The other day I was playing on my iPad, when a message from a girl named Lynn popped up, all the message contained was just a number, confused I clicked it and realized it was my boyfriends Facebook.
So naturally I confronted him about it. He told me it was his friends girlfriend and she send him his friends number because he didn’t have Facebook. Lie #1.
The next day he immediately put a pass code on his phone, and deleted the Facebook app off the iPad.
The same day, I saw him non stop texting that number. So again I asked him. “Kyle, are you texting a girl?” He replied, no I told you it was my friend josh. Turns out I don’t need to talk to him anyways. Lie #2 
The next day I decided to stalk this girl. I noticed Kyle had been liking some of her recent pictures. I tried to think nothing of it.. So I decided to one more time ask him about it. He decided to tell me it WAS her phone but her boyfriend Josh uses it to text, because he doesn’t have his own. Lie #3 
Later that night he told me he was going to his friend Mikes house to play ps4. Which he does a lot.. I asked if I could come with him….. He told me I looked tired and I wouldn’t have fun anyways. That him and mike needed some guy time. Lie #4
He got out of the shower (note it’s 2:30 am he just got out of work) and put on some pretty damn nice clothes, brushed his teeth, and put cologne on. So naturally I asked him… “Uhm you’re getting pretty nice for mikes aren’t you?” Which he replied. “This is nice? I just threw on whatever”. Lie #5
So an hour goes by and I call him to say goodnight. Usually when he’s at mikes I hear people screaming and yelling at the PS4. I heard nothing. So I asked. He said he “ran some errands” lie #6
He comes home, and we made love, and he turned around and went to bed.
At 8:46 this morning I woke up. And I went to look through his phone. Which is something I NEVER DO. But I felt sick to my stomach and I had to know. I couldn’t find it, he hid it well. But I saw the number and looked through and there was a number of deleted texts that he had said, and he had also said “she’s asleep now. I don’t want her waking up while I’m there”
At this point, I FREAK OUT. I wake him up and tell him to explain himself. He kept saying “you wouldn’t understand” so he told me he went there and had dinner with her and just.. Talked. From 3am - 6:30am. He said she was an old friend and he just wanted to catch up and get relationship advice. At fucking 3 am? He tells me he didn’t cheat on me. But are you fucking kidding? All the lies how can I even trust him. I fucking gave up my life for him. I fucking came back from Florida for him. And this is what I get.
I’ll never fucking fall in love again.

August 20, 2014 7:29 pm


12:44 am 12:41 am
"Sober or drunk, it’s always you."

"There goes my Heart" (Anonymous)

(Source: sharhk, via sadgurls)

August 13, 2014 12:42 pm
Early morning run, sorry for the lack of makeup.

Early morning run, sorry for the lack of makeup.

August 12, 2014 8:39 pm
"I’m so fucking sick of saying I’m sorry when I’m the one collapsed on the ground."

(via ckgarden)

(Source: mental-slut, via whenseameetsland)

August 5, 2014 9:43 am
So I got it anyways and may i just say im completely in love  

So I got it anyways and may i just say im completely in love  

August 2, 2014 10:20 pm
"How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head."

Nina LaCour, Hold Still (via californiagirlwearingpearls)

(Source: poetrist, via complicatedacti0ns)

July 15, 2014 6:25 pm

I think

The saddest fucking thing in the world is getting super close to someone, and having a falling out where you don’t speak anymore. Even if you’re at that point where you both completely hate eachother guys, you both said some things that you can never take back, or did things out of spite. It’s just sad because you know at one point you were so close you could tell each other anything, and now when they hear your name they shudder at the thought of seeing you again. Of course there are times where I’ll think about how much I dislike this person and what they did/said about me that hurt. But then when you look through old conversations and old pictures is just flat out depressing, because you can physically see how close you were to that person and how much they meant to you at one point.